Purging and Decluttering

[00:00:01] Speaker A: Start your week smiling with your friends Kathy Zant and Michelle Prashat. It's time to get ready for some weekly motivation with WP motivate. Happy Thursday, Kathy. [00:00:15] Speaker B: Happy Thursday, Michelle. You know, can I just say I'm really glad as you hit the record button. Zoom used to put up this giant thing in my face and I couldn't see you and I'd have to mess around with it. And now it's just like, leave meeting are okay up in the corner. So I would just like to do a little shout out to zoom for thank you. [00:00:33] Speaker A: Zoom. [00:00:34] Speaker B: Stopping that obnoxiousness. Yeah, I know it's recording. I don't need to know. [00:00:40] Speaker A: She told me she was pushing the button. We're not sponsored by Zoom, but shout out to Zoom. That's all good. [00:00:47] Speaker B: Shout out to zoom for that usability improvement. That's the thing about software. It's like sometimes you don't have to make this huge feature. Sometimes listening to your customers and creating a feature that helps them do stuff like this, that's enough. And it just brings so much joy to my sometimes angry face. [00:01:09] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. Well, last week we talked about collections. We talked about the thimbles, we talked about the rocks, we talked about all the things. Talked about the URLs or domain names. We talked about sheep and rainbows from when I was little. Like the whole nine yards. Yeah. So this week I kind of want to talk about. I'll frame it once I say what is. And I know I already told you, but for anybody else that wasn't privy to our conversation before we pressed record, I want to talk about purging and how sometimes we just have so much in our lives, and I don't mean our collections. I'm not throwing out the thimbles. Nobody get in their panties in a wad. The thimbles are staying. But sometimes you have to take a look at everything. And in order not to be overwhelmed with what you have, you have to purge, you have to sort, you have to give away throwaway, sell. You have to make determinations about the things that you're going to continue to surround yourself. And I do mean things sometimes we have to purge. Friend list, too. And we're not going there today. We're not going to talk about getting rid of people. [00:02:13] Speaker B: But that's a different episode. Come. [00:02:17] Speaker A: I'm sure we will get there one of these weeks because we both have boiling points. No, but today I wanted to talk about those things when I moved into the condo that I'm in now. Three and a half years ago. So it was September of 2020 of a pandemic, moved in here. And I've mentioned this before. I took over my parents condo, bought it from them, and about 80% of their worldly possessions, they left here because they could not take them with them. And I moved in so that I could be stewards of family things. Right. But at the same time, let's just say that if your mother's taste isn't also your taste, my mother's taste was also not my taste. There's some things. [00:03:01] Speaker B: Sure. [00:03:01] Speaker A: There are some things that I was like, wow, that's so cool that I get to have this here, because she's not taking it with her. Like my grandmother's teacup collection. I have that here. That's a very cool thing to have. Who knows? They're probably lead paint, but I'm not drinking out of them. They just look pretty on the shelf. Right? But also, my mother loved collecting little angel things. Now, none of these were antiques. They weren't family heirlooms. But when I started taking down all the little angel things from around the condo, I had a coffee table filled with angel things. [00:03:30] Speaker B: Wow. [00:03:31] Speaker A: And I put them up on the buy nothing, sell nothing group on Facebook. And one woman said, I have an entire room of angels dedicated to my daughter, who I lost when she was young, and could I have them? And I said, absolutely. When do you want to pick them up? But then my mother saw that I had given them away and was not happy with me until I was able to say, I didn't throw them out. They didn't go willy nilly. They went to a woman, and the woman had sent me a picture. I sent it to her. My mom's like, oh, that's really nice, blah, blah, blah. So be careful. Sometimes you throw away other people's things, you can get in trouble. But not only have I spent the last three years room by room, continuing to determine what of my own things I would get rid of in favor of. Like, she has a better potato peeler than I do. So ditch my potato peeler, keep hers, right kind of thing, and decor and things like that, but also my own things that I could go through and, like, do I really need this? Don't I need that? As I put up my Christmas tree this year, and I was looking at ornaments that I have had for years and years, if I couldn't remember, if it didn't bring me joy, I'm going to Marie Kondo. It. If it didn't bring me joy, if it wasn't a happy memory if it wasn't tied to a person, if I didn't have a story that went with it, if I couldn't even remember where it came from, I was like, do I really need this? I don't really need this, get rid of it kind of thing and pare down because I have literally 500 ornaments, maybe more. But also, we are not renewing our office lease. So I will be working from home 100%. Whereas I've been in an office three days a week to five days a week for over ten years now. And so let's just say the office wasn't empty. So there's a lot of stuff in that office that now I have to make determination. Am I keeping it? Am I throwing it away? Am I giving it away? And if I do keep it, where is it going to come live? Here? My home? What is going to move off of a wall or off of a shelf in order to make room for the boxes and boxes of stuff? Because you don't think there's a lot of stuff in your office until you pack up your office. I promise you, there's a lot in your office until you do all of that. And so, yeah, the idea of purging, it's scary, but it's also so liberating when you do find places for things. You don't have boxes full of stuff. So that's my idea. That's my topic for the day. And I'm curious about your ideas about that. I talk a lot. It's your turn. [00:05:58] Speaker B: Yeah. So when we left Mount Shasta, my husband's a pack rat. He has so much stuff. So when we left Mount Shasta, we had a 24 foot truck full of stuff, and we left some stuff behind. There was stuff that just didn't want to bring that kind of thing. When we moved here, we had two trucks. [00:06:26] Speaker A: I don't know how much. [00:06:27] Speaker B: Well, what ends up happening in Phoenix is people move there and then they are like, oh, my God, it's 120 outside. And then they leave. And so he ended up getting all of this really expensive. He got this $10,000 leather, gorgeous sofa for $700 or something like that. [00:06:46] Speaker A: Wow. [00:06:46] Speaker B: So it came here with us. The sofa here that the dogs sleep on while I work, it's huge. We got so much stuff on top of all of the other stuff on top of. He has a book like this thick. And I'm not saying that's how tall the book is. It's normal eight and a half by eleven, but it is thick of military guidelines from West Point. I'm like, I know he was in the army, but why do we still have all of this stuff and books? Oh, my gosh. He would drive across the country. He lived upstate New York, near Syracuse, near you, and he would drive to Mount Shasta before I met him. He would go to Mount Shasta every single summer. He ended up there one summer and just fell in love with the place. So he would drive across the country and stop at used bookstores. So I'm going through books, and there's some. I'm just like, funny one. The blood pressure hoax. I'm like, fuck. We want fuck this book. Nobody should read this book after everything I've been through. Blood pressure hoax? Like, what's this? [00:08:07] Speaker A: I mean, you do have a fireplace behind you. I can think of a few places you could put that book. Yeah, exactly. [00:08:13] Speaker B: I'm, like, looking at it and I'm just like, but there's books on everything. And then some books are, like, super amazing. I started Claire on a project of like, okay, we're going to sell them all on Amazon. You can buy a horse with all these. Like, go figure out which ones are worth the most money. We'll get those on Amazon first. So we've got a bunch of those up, but then there's other ones. But, yeah, it's like, the decisions. The decisions on all of this stuff. I'm just going through so much stuff. And I probably should have done this a couple of years ago, but it's overwhelming. I have a friend who. Yeah, a friend who lost her husband. And she's like, everybody's telling me it's time to donate all of this stuff. And she's like, I'm just not ready. I'm not ready for that closet to be empty. And I'm like, keep it full as long as you need to. And I get it. I still have. The last time he went out, he would keep his belt and his blue jeans, right? And he'd just throw them. Not as bad as that one character on tv who would, like, walk in the door and take his pants off. It wasn't that bad. I refused to take that belt out of the pants. I don't know why, because it was like the last day he wore the pants. So there's some things I just like, I can't. I just. I'm not ready to make a decision about. [00:09:38] Speaker A: Right. Yeah. And that's okay. It really is okay. There's things here that. My hallway, I plan to put up family photos that represent my whole family. So what's up there right now is my mom and stepdad's family. Right. Which is fine because it's also my family, too. But there's nothing of my dad's side of the family or the fact that I have five siblings, not two. Like, my mom has three kids, so it's only the three of us kids, but I have three other siblings besides the original three of us. And I've been here over three years. You'd think that by now I would have done that. But first of all, I can't do things like that by myself because I can't stand long enough to hang things and do all that. So I definitely have to have somebody come in and help me with that. But it's overwhelming to think about some of those things. And so I have boxes of photos and frames sitting in my storage room, and that's where they're going to sit until I'm ready to deal with them. Yeah. And I've decided that's okay. If they sit there a while longer, that's okay. Yeah. There's no expiration date on a photograph. [00:10:42] Speaker B: Yeah, I guess there's a lot of stuff, though, that doesn't have that weight to it. And it's like, clearly get rid of it. Some stuff, his stuff. I have a hard time with my stuff. It's just like, well, that fashion trend is gone. Goodbye to a lot of my stuff. It's not hard for me. When I was in Shasta, we talked last week about our journals. I don't want to bring this with me. It's time for it to go. And I just threw it all in the wood stove and that was the end of that. Yes, exactly. And I was just like, yeah, it's time for me to not carry these around to another state. My stuff is easy to say goodbye to. I having a really hard time with his stuff, though. It's getting easier, my son. I told him, next time you're down here, I'm going to donate all of the tools because, you know, I'm not going to use a jack on that car or anything having to do with an oil change, guaranteed. So you come get this stuff. You want it, it's yours. Please just take it. Otherwise it's going away and somebody else will get it. Because there's so much stuff. I have this fantasy of, like, because I'm eventually going to move, I don't necessarily want to stay here. And I have this fantasy of just like packing up the. Just like, leave everything. Just leave it all. Somebody else, you can just move in. These people who are coming, a new immigrant family that doesn't have anything here. [00:12:24] Speaker A: They can have these books. They could have the blood pressure book. Damn it. Now, we wouldn't do that to anybody. I. Well, so I have friends that have helped me over the couple of years that I've been here to sort things and get through. And one of the things that I haven't had time to sort through yet, mostly because I don't even know what half of it is, is the tools. Right? So I have a toolbox and tools I've bought over the years. Like, if I needed a hammer, dollar tree, I'll buy a hammer. Oh, I can't find my hammer. I'll buy another hammer for a buck. Right. Kind of thing. But I've also inherited all my stepdad's tools. So. The tools of a 70 something and 77 year old man. Right? So he's accumulated tools and whatever. I had a friend trying to help me sort through the storage room, and he says, I don't think you need eight hammers, Michelle. All right, give me two in case I break one. Have I used a hammer even once since I've moved in here? Maybe once. Other people have had things for me. I do need a hammer, but I do not need eight hammers. It is true. So there is some purging that needs to happen. 100%. Yeah. [00:13:33] Speaker B: I have no idea how many hammers I have, but it's more than one, more than two or three. But you know, sometimes you need one in the kitchen and you need one in the. [00:13:44] Speaker A: Yeah, but you know what you can never find? I must have five measuring tapes, too. Tape measures. Sorry. Measuring tape is when we sew. Tape measures are what we use. Construction and things. Right. I must have five tape measures, but I can never find one when I need it. I don't know what that's about either. [00:14:07] Speaker B: I have an old rusted one. It's one of those metal ones. And it's seen better days. I should just recycle that, right? At this point, it's probably tetanus. [00:14:17] Speaker A: At this point. Probably. Yeah. It's weird what we. [00:14:22] Speaker B: Hang on know. It's weird. Stupid stuff like that. Like Mark's toolbox should not have a sentimental value, but it's either. I need my son to come take it. That's what's just. I don't feel like I can even. It's overwhelming. Yeah. So it's like this fantasy of just like, walk away from all of it is just like such a relief because. [00:14:51] Speaker A: Then you don't have to make decisions about any of it. That's the thing, right? If you could just walk away from all of it, you don't have to make a decision about any piece of paper, any piece of art, any tool, any couch. You don't have to be emotionally tied to it. But when you do, you have to go. When you're deciding to actually be an adult and not just walk away for everything. Because I know the fantasy is there, but I know you would never do that. Right? It means we do have to deal with all the shit. I'm sorry we're calling it compost at one point, but all of the shit in our lives. And then we just pick up swag at places. And I've been trying to be so much better about what swag I pick up at places. Because honestly, I'm one person living in 1400 sqft without a single inch that's available to hang a picture on right now. Yeah, something's got to give. I should have said this at the very beginning. This conversation is absolutely coming from a place of privilege to be able to say, I've got all the stuff I want to throw away. Right. So completely acknowledge that. I should have put that in the beginning. Little disclaimer. We realize how privileged we sound when we start talking about this, but that doesn't make it less emotional, it doesn't make it less arduous or overwhelming to have to deal with the things, even if you are coming from a place of privilege, right? [00:16:07] Speaker B: Yeah, it is definitely a privilege. And maybe that's the part of the thing I was watching this. I don't know, it was TikTok or Insta reels. And this guy, I can't even remember his name. I see him on the podcast circuits and whatever, but he's like, I was watching these people walk the dog, and I felt so much gratitude that they were able to walk the dog. It strikes me because first of all, it's been like ridiculously cold in Texas, so it's like we go outside and layers and just yelling at the dogs. And so it was like this juxtaposition of me, like, oh, I don't want to go out with them again. [00:16:53] Speaker A: Right. [00:16:55] Speaker B: Having, you know, my husband's never going to walk a dog. I've had a couple of friends. I had one of Mark's friends that passed and another friend who's having a health crisis and they're never going to walk dogs. And something like, so minor like that. Yeah, it's a privilege to walk the dog. And it just struck me of like this thing that I was in the middle of bitching about. It's a privilege to walk the dog. I am so grateful that I have legs that can walk the dog. I am so grateful I have dogs. I'm so grateful about all of it and just struck me. So maybe it's like I'm going to try that. I am grateful for all the dumb stuff mark collection I have to go through now. Maybe it's an adventure. [00:17:44] Speaker A: That's one way to think about it. [00:17:47] Speaker B: An archaeological Dig into his history. Oh, look, an letter from his ex wife. Well, you know, I'm going to read it, of course. [00:17:58] Speaker A: No, I'm picturing you though. Like this point. I'm picturing you in a fedora with a whip. And in the background I can't say words. I don't know. You're the archaeologist of your family. I was trying to turn into a verb, but you can't turn archaeology into a verb. Archaeologizing. I don't know. Anyway. [00:18:23] Speaker B: What you're going to find in the office. You might find something. It's almost like going back through history and peeling back layers to see all the memories that you had there. Maybe there is something of an excavation that brings back the memories of an experience that you've had. [00:18:48] Speaker A: Yeah, no, it's true. As you sort through things. And I was like, oh, there's little books in between other books on the shelf, and I'm getting rid of most of the books, but I was like, I forgot about that one. That one's autographed, or I have a poem in that one. Throw away the other two, but keep that one because that one I'm published in and those kinds of things that I haven't thought about in a while. So it just means that a lot more stuff's coming home with me than I had originally anticipated, but I will make it all work somehow. Absolutely. Yeah. [00:19:21] Speaker B: Isn't life fun? So hopefully this podcast is motivating you to clean out your garage. [00:19:28] Speaker A: And if it is, we want to see pictures before and after. Send them in, post them on, tag us online, we want to see whatever it is that's overwhelming you. I want everybody to realize that you have permission to give yourself permission to get rid of things. And if something is really like you don't want to forget it, take a picture. Take a picture with your phone, take a picture of something. Because sometimes it's okay to only have memories. And if a picture jogs that memory and puts that it's okay not to have a physical thing. [00:19:59] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:20:00] Speaker A: Be kind and gentle to yourself. [00:20:01] Speaker B: Also, that whole adage of your junk is somebody else's treasure, like, being able to let go. There's some stuff in my kitchen now I'm thinking about, like, yeah, he really liked that thing. But you know what? Even to this day, I have not used it. It's going, and it's going to be somebody else's treasure. And there's enough people in need in my part of the country that somebody's going to find some treasures. With my haul to the twice as nice resale shop or wherever I go. [00:20:33] Speaker A: I don't even know yet. I put up a bunch of stuff from the office on the buy nothing, sell nothing Facebook group that's in my area, and an old armoire that was a handmedown to me. That's, like, shelves and stuff that I've just got paper and whatever, and, like, 50 people have commented that they want that. So it's like, all right, well, it's not going into a landfill. Other people, it's getting another life with somebody else, and I'm going to be happy about that for. [00:21:00] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. [00:21:01] Speaker A: And other things that I'm like, I have a gumball machine, and I love my gumball machine, but I really don't have any place to put a gumball machine. But Jeff loves the gumballs that I used to stock in the gumball machine. I'm like, would you like to have that? He's like, yeah, I'd love that. I'm like, the gumball machine is yours. And it felt good to give it to somebody who loves know, even though I have happy memories with it, too. So it's. It's all good. We will get through it. [00:21:26] Speaker B: Jeff's place and have a gumball. I'm here to say hi, but also I'm here for the gumball machine. [00:21:33] Speaker A: Where's the gum? Hand over the gumballs and nobody gets hurt anyway. Well, if you're purging, we feel for you. And if you're not purging, you probably should be like, there's literally something in all of our lives we should sort through at some point, put together. [00:21:49] Speaker B: Yeah, do it now. Do it now before it gets worse. [00:21:53] Speaker A: That's right, because it doesn't get better. It only gets worse. [00:21:58] Speaker B: This is what happens. I started Mark's books, and there's a whole bunch of them back here where I'm like, ooh, ooh, I might want to read this someday. [00:22:08] Speaker A: Just flip through all the pages maybe he put cash in there. You never know. Yeah, none of my books have cash in them. Before anybody breaks into my house, I promise you. [00:22:19] Speaker B: Sometimes when he gets really annoying, sometimes I'll give him, like, a pile of money. I'll give him all the, when I go shopping, and if I pay cash, I just throw the change in my purse and deal with it later. And so I'll give him all the money because he was always like, everything was in the right order. Like, hundreds, 20s, sort it off. It's like giving a kid, like, a toy, it gets to go through. And then he'll say, is this all mine? And I'm like, yes, we're rich. And it's like, $120 or whatever. He's just like, we're rich. [00:22:54] Speaker A: Made him happy. That was a good thing. Awesome. Well, happy purging, everybody. [00:23:02] Speaker B: Purging. [00:23:03] Speaker A: Every time we start to talk. I have ideas for next week, but we'll see what comes up, and so we'll see what we talk about next week. But in the meantime, be gentle with yourself and give yourself permission to let stuff go. For sure. [00:23:18] Speaker B: All right, bye bye bye. [00:23:23] Speaker A: This has been Wp motivate with Kathy Zant and Michelle freshette. To learn more or to sponsor us, go to wpmotivate.com.