Habits of Self Care

[00:00:01] Speaker A: Start your week smiling with your friends. Kathy's aunt and Michelle Frechette. It's time to get ready for some weekly motivation with WP motivate. Happy Friday, Cathy. [00:00:15] Speaker B: Happy Friday, Michelle. How are you? [00:00:18] Speaker A: I'm good. I trust you. Not gonna do it. [00:00:25] Speaker B: Not happening today. [00:00:27] Speaker A: Not happening. So last time or the time before, I saw it kind of rolled into my head, which what we talked about, but recently we talked about, like, we've sensed some negativity and things like that in the community and how to overcome and how you gotta take the good of the bad. And then this week, I saw one of your tweets that kind of made me think about how we keep going on. So you said I've stuck with a new habit. [00:00:52] Speaker B: Yes. Weight training habits this week. Oh, I could talk this topic to the ground. Researching and reading and thinking and contemplate. Oh, I've got habit. Let's go. [00:01:06] Speaker A: So I was thinking, like, I. There are some things that they say if you do something like seven times, it becomes a habit. Right. And that, like, you get into the role I have been on. I have to tell you, this is funny. I have to actually look it up. Hold on. I have completed. Open up phone. Hurry up. Don't make me wait. I have completed. How many days? I have completed 1230 days of duolingo. [00:01:36] Speaker B: Oh, wow. [00:01:37] Speaker A: And yet I have to get the email reminder or the pop up on my phone that goes, you haven't practiced yet today. Because it's not ingrained in me to just log in and do it. So is my habit that I am habitually waiting for notifications or what? Because I do want to do it, but it gets to be like 10:00 at night and I've done a million things during the day, and I'm laying on the couch and it's like, you have an hour and a half left to make your, you know, keep your streak or whatever. And I'm like, gotta speak Spanish today. But, but developing healthy habits, we all have negative habits, right? Like, those are not too difficult to keep up. They're harder to break. But, um. But developing those healthy habits and, like, doing your weight training and, and doing things that, doing things we like super easy usually, right? Like, when Claire was, like, really into horses, you didn't have to say, let's go to the barn. Cause she'd be like, at the door waiting with her. Whatever horse accoutrements you have to take with you. I don't know. Not a barn girl, but expensive crap. [00:02:40] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:02:40] Speaker A: Yes, exactly. Right. And like, nobody ever has to say, michelle, you might need more legos. Right? Because, like, I just, like, I'm always looking, but developing the healthy habit outside of things that are. That just inherently bring us joy. It's not so easy all the time, especially when it's something that is for her own edification, and we just don't want to. So I kind of wanted to talk about that a little bit today, because you seem to be on the right track, and I'm just still hitting my couch at the end of every day. So tell how you're working on that. [00:03:12] Speaker B: Yeah. So here's my analogy. Actually, I've been thinking about this topic for years, because when I was up in Mount Shasta, there was this meadow that I would go to with my dog, and four of the neighbor's dogs who saw me walking my dog and were like, we're game. We know where she's going. [00:03:32] Speaker A: Can we go to? [00:03:33] Speaker B: Yes, exactly. So I would come home with, like. And then everybody would get a treat, and then they knew their way home. So it was. Yeah, it was wonderful. But there was this huge meadow and way about a mile away, like, so there's Mount Shasta and black butte, and about a mile away, there was a train track, and then there was a creek that went through it. And of course, it's like dog heaven. It's also people heaven. I loved this meadow, and. But it was all grass, right? Grass was growing everywhere. And there were some places where we'd walk in, and other neighbors, you know, everybody went in there. [00:04:10] Speaker A: We weren't supposed to, but we did. [00:04:11] Speaker B: And there were some places where. Where the grass had gotten, you know, walked on the trails. And I realized as I was in there, the thought occurred to me that this is how our minds work. Our minds work by looking for the path of least resistance, the easiest way to do things. And the more ways we. The more times we think a thought, the more that becomes, like, the neural pathway in our brain, the more it's like. It's like a road through a meadow. If you keep driving or walking through one, that you keep going the same route. That's the route. But it might not be the fastest, it might not be the best, it might not be the healthiest route. And so then you have to go a different way. But if the weeds have all grown in and you have to walk through the weeds, it's not comfortable, it doesn't feel right, it's not the way. And so it's like going against the momentum of your thoughts or going against the momentum of your life and to change a habit. Like, okay, every morning I wake up and I go and I have my coffee and I sit and I check my social media to, I wake up and I put my shoes on and I go outside and I walk or whatever, or with my coffee, which is still one of my favorite habits. I have a scone and. Oh, my God. Up until last year, my habit was coffee and baked good coffee and what's. I love scones. That's like my thing. So coffee and a scone. So this habit and a bad, but it was screwing up my blood sugar and screwing up my metabolism and everything. And I had to, I had to stop. My blood sugar readings were, like, flipping me off and saying, you can't do this anymore. So I had to change that habit. I had to stop the association with coffee. I had to put a new association in there of, like, protein, which I'm just like, I hate it, but now I'm like, that's what I do. Yeah, but it's the momentum. I go this way. This is the road I go down. And trying to change a habit and go in a different way is so hard. But that's one of the reasons why, like, I wanted to tie this into, like, what makes it easier. If you know yourself and you know, like, little tricks you can play on yourself and you know how you're motivated, you can, you can break habits easier. You can establish a healthier habit easier because you know how you're motivated. Like, I know when I do something new, I want to inspire other people to do something new because look at how it worked for me. And here's my story. Because I've got influencer as one of my things, and I like to do new things because I'm, like, visionary is one of my things. So it, it ties in with work. So I got to, I got to. [00:06:56] Speaker A: Play at work this week. I love that I couldn't go to. [00:07:00] Speaker B: The company retreat, but I found ways to play on my own with things that were really super interesting to me and that I hope help people. So there's a blog post and a video that as soon as I have the featured image is going up, too. So nice. Yeah. So I'm creating lots of content on habits right now. That's great. [00:07:20] Speaker A: This was the perfect topic to bring up to you then. It is. It is. [00:07:24] Speaker B: I'm so glad you did. [00:07:25] Speaker A: I'm like, oh, I could talk about this. [00:07:27] Speaker B: I've got all these things. [00:07:28] Speaker A: So. [00:07:29] Speaker B: But, yeah, in shasta, before shasta, I didn't walk every single morning. I did when I was, like, 22. I would, like, walk every single morning, and then the afternoon, I'd go for bike rides, but I didn't for the longest time. And then in shasta, I started walking every single morning. And I realized I've been doing that for four. Walking at least a mile and a half every single morning. [00:07:53] Speaker A: I love that. [00:07:55] Speaker B: 14 years. [00:07:57] Speaker A: That's a long time. That's a good habit. [00:07:59] Speaker B: That's a habit. [00:08:00] Speaker A: Yep. [00:08:01] Speaker B: There was a late. There was a lady in Shasta, June. She lived across the street. She was 93, and she walked that one and a half mile loop. She walked every morning with her dog, Andy. Andy was kind of gross, but she and Andy would walk every morning, and then they'd walk again every night. And so she was walking 3 miles a day at 93, and I was like, when I'm 93, I want to be just like June. [00:08:26] Speaker A: I hear that. You made me think about college. So when I went to college, I lived on campus, and, you know, you've got all of the college grounds and whatever. It was no big college, but there were the cement paths. Right. The paved pathways for us. And then there's all of these, like, the grass will no longer grow their paths. [00:08:49] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:08:49] Speaker A: Where people walked direct routes instead of staying on the sidewalks. And I remember, like, the people that were. Because I worked at that college after I graduated, and, like, the groundskeepers were just all beside themselves trying to get people to stay on the paths. I went back there many years later, and guess what was there a sidewalk. Because instead of trying to fight it, they put a sidewalk in where people want to walk, which makes a whole lot more sense, right? Because sometimes the path of least resistance or the most direct path is the best path. And instead of fighting people on it, let them have that habit, because it gets them where they need to faster, or it's a prettier walk or whatever. But I also think about the way that rivers flow, because if you look at rivers from above, like, I think of, like. Like, the oxbows and things like that in a river, the ones that, like, really look serpentine and that kind of stuff. [00:09:49] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:09:49] Speaker A: It doesn't make sense to look at that and think that that was the path of least resistance for the river to go back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. But there's things we don't know that caused that to happen, which is, like, where the. The. It was easier for things to erode away, and the bedrock wasn't, as, you know, difficult and all those things and the topsoil could wash away faster and whatever. I mean, I'm not a geologist, but you understand. But I understand that much of it. Right. And so I love that idea that the path of least resistance or the most tread path isn't necessarily the one that looks like it would be the easiest either. And so sometimes developing those healthy habits isn't like what you think you should do, but where you actually gravitate toward maybe. Does that make sense? [00:10:36] Speaker B: Right? Well, yeah. And then it's also like, like, if you asked me a year ago, Kathy, you're going to have just eggs and sausage for breakfast, I would have been like, no, I'm not. [00:10:48] Speaker A: I just want guess again. [00:10:52] Speaker B: I like when I realized when I took that blood sugar reading, I was like, ah, geez. Oh, man, this is not good. I took the scones and I threw them in the freezer. I'm like, I'll just have, now there's no scones in the house at all. But, like, last year, I was not going to let go of that habit. I was not going to let go of. That was my thing. It was my coping mechanism for the stress of my life. Carbohydrates and cookies and scones. And I wasn't there, you know? But as you have to start, like, with what, what can you do? [00:11:28] Speaker A: Okay? [00:11:29] Speaker B: Like, you know, and you just start like, super small, super duper small. Like the stuff I'm, I've been going to the gym now for, since December, and I am doing things now that I couldn't do at all. I mean, I literally told the guy when my daughter dragged me. I mean, I didn't go because I wanted to, but they were like, $9 for additional family member. And I'm like, well, I'm gonna kick myself if I don't at least try. And I just told, he's like, what. [00:11:55] Speaker A: Are your fitness goals? [00:11:56] Speaker B: And I'm like, to not die here. [00:11:59] Speaker A: Literally. I don't, bare minimum, the bar is low. It was super low. [00:12:07] Speaker B: But now I'm like, walking lunges, all right? Don't like them. And I look at other people doing them, and I'm like, they do them with better form than I do, but I can do them. I can do them, and I don't need to hold on to something anymore. And I'm doing that. I'm doing stuff that I could not, I couldn't do before. And so, and I really can recognize that, you know, how far, how far I have come. I, I have protein shakes. I, when I started the fit the exercise thing. No way. [00:12:42] Speaker A: They're nasty. [00:12:44] Speaker B: They're nasty. Here I am. Like, you know what? It's actually not that bad. It is interesting. [00:12:53] Speaker A: It's interesting how our tastes change and our will to do different things changes over time. I remember as a kid, mushrooms were the most disgusting thing on the face of this earth. Now, like, load up anything I'm eating. Like, put the mushrooms on. If somebody says, do you want truffle fries? Heck yeah, I want truffle on my fries. Right? Like, when I was a kid, it would be like, why is this? Why is it so musty? Right? But, like, our taste change. Like, sharp. Cheddar's good. Extra sharp. Seriously sharp. That's even better. Right? But, like, yeah. So as we grow, our tastes change, the things we enjoy change, and the things we can force ourselves to start and then learn to love change, too. [00:13:30] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah, completely. It's. Yeah, it's weird how it's done. These types of things are. What do they say? Like, you are the sum of the small things that you do every day, and they become big things, and it becomes big movement. If. And the momentum shifts. If you just keep going with the momentum of where you are and keep doing what. If you keep doing what you've been doing and you wake up every day and you did do what you did yesterday, nothing's going to change because you're keep. But if you do, like, small little things, gamify the whole thing. Like, if you're trying to, like, quitting smoking, that's tough. Had to do that long ago, but I did. [00:14:14] Speaker A: Don't tell Claire. Pretty sure she doesn't listen to our podcast. [00:14:19] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm sure she doesn't, but way long time ago, I had to do that. And, like, gosh, going into a bar where people are drinking and, like, smoking at the same, like, I could not do that. I could not go in and have a drink because of the association, like, coffee and carbs. Like, smoking and drinking, like, ah, boy, that's a bad one. So I just know. [00:14:40] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:14:41] Speaker B: Nope, not gonna do that. But, yeah, you have to start. Start with where you're at. And, you know, there's a reason also that the twelve step program says, I'm not gonna. Like today. It's just one day at a time. [00:14:55] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:14:55] Speaker B: And I think sometimes, like, with real serious addiction types of stuff, it's like 1 hour at a time. I've known some people who have had some serious alcohol addiction issues, and, like, it's 1 hour at a time. It's like, I'm just gonna get. I'm gonna make it to noon. I'm going to make it to noon without a drink. It's just like, I am so proud of you. Like, what do you do? Like, yeah. Hour by hour, Taylor Swift has that song. This is me trying. And it's all about, you know, people dealing with that kind of stuff. And I just feel for people because I've had, you know, my family's got loads of addiction issues, so I think. [00:15:29] Speaker A: Every family has something like that. Like, things that we are trying to break away from, for sure. I'll tell you my newest. I mean, I call it a healthy habit because it is, but it's just a little bit different than your healthy habit is. Um, after two years of not even, like, having. Having all of my prescriptions expire, after my dad died, I didn't go back to the doctor's office. Everything just expired. I was off my blood pressure meds, and everything is. I started taking blood pressure meds again about three weeks ago, and I've only missed two days, which I think is actually not bad, because trying to get in the habit of taking medication every single day again was a little bit difficult. But I was only able to do that because four years ago when I had a cancer scare, the doctor said, make sure you're taking multivitamins every day. And so I started taking multivitamins. Cause I didn't want cancer. Right. So, like, pretty simple. And because I take my multivitamins almost every day again, sometimes I fall asleep on the couch and I forget, right. But I'm doing so much better because I have a set routine when I go to bed now. And so I always do the medicate, do the. Do the multivitamins, which are gummies. Like a gummy vitamin, like the one that's immunity, another one for women. And then I take. I take fiber. Fiber gummies every day, too, because otherwise, you know, woman in her fifties, let's just leave it at that. But. But that's, like, six gummies, and that's, like, dessert. So now I don't eat dessert anymore because, like, I have this, like, handful of sweet flavored gummies at the end of the day. And then I have my medication on my nightstand, which is where I keep a little refrigerator with water in it. And so as I. When I get in bed, I take my meds, put the water away, because I wake up in the middle of the night, it's so dry sometimes. So I keep water there. And so that's my new routine is that, you know, I added the second step, which was taking the blood pressure medications. I haven't taken my blood pressure since then, but I assume that because I'm taking the medications, I'm doing better. So little steps. Right. But I'm developing that habit again, which is good. [00:17:37] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:17:37] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:17:38] Speaker B: It's good to get things into a routine. I was not in a supplement routine at all, but I had to start managing Mark's medications for him, and that made me have to get into my routine. But I had a whole therapy session of, why is it do I make sure that he gets his meds and I forget mine? Like, how is that? Like, today, I haven't taken my morning stuff, my morning, uh, vitamins. He's had his meds, though. [00:18:06] Speaker A: Like, how is it that I take. [00:18:07] Speaker B: Care of other people so well? And it's like, myself, I have to, like, force myself. I have to create these habits to do it, because it's like, I'm so. That's a whole other episode. [00:18:20] Speaker A: Pretty sure. Part of it is being women. And we're caregivers. We're not caretakers. Right? We can't. We. We give care to everybody else, but we don't necessarily take care of ourselves like we're supposed to, that's for sure. But also, sometimes there's, like, my psyche. Sometimes it's like, everybody else deserves it, but I don't, right? Like, like I. Like I said about dating last week, like, I I did say that about dating. Like. Like, I'm. There are some people that I'm like, oh, I have to swipe left because there's no way that guy, if he met me, would actually like me, right, and have that kind of self doubt in your own head. So it's like, well, everybody else deserves to be taken care of, but I can go thirsty. Everybody else can have. And I'll have a little tiny piece of dinner where everybody else is taking care of just because that's kind of how we're raised. Right? And as I love my mom, love my dad, but they did not raise my family that women were equal to men. And so I just had that mindset that I've had to overcome all those years. [00:19:12] Speaker B: I wonder if it's possible to change a habit, like. Or create a habit of self care or I think it would have to be a collection of habits of self care, like, because you're. You're changing the momentum, right? You're changing the momentum of put everybody else first. Or do you know your parents, like, making you do all of the stuff that they want done. And, you know, what about you? That kind of thing. There's all this momentum against or of putting other people first. Can you change the momentum to put yourself first and make that the primary habit? I think that's, like, the undercurrent of what I am trying to do right now. [00:19:53] Speaker A: And like you said, it doesn't have to be everything all at once. You start to accumulate them. Maybe it's walking, and then it's weight training on top of that, and then it's adding protein shakes or whatever order it went in. For me, it's like, all right, you're taking your meds every day now. [00:20:09] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:20:09] Speaker A: I also have a water cooler. You can't see it, but I have one of those big, old, huge water coolers that I had at the office from when I had an office, and that actually is in my office now. So it, you know, you watch me drink coffee, but this is always, it's empty right now because I literally just finished it. But I drink water all day long now where I didn't used to hydrate as I should have. I'm less hungry, and I feel better because I'm hydrating more. So it's those little habits that start to accumulate. I think if you try to do it all at once, it's not gonna happen because it'll be overwhelming. [00:20:40] Speaker B: Right. And I think also setting the intention and saying, like, making the decision, there's something, there's something about making a decision of, like, you know what? I would like my life to be more about me, unless I'm still gonna make sure everybody is cared for, but I would like my life to be more about me. It's time. And then once you set that as a decision and an intention, then, then you know that. And then, you know, of course, knowing how you're motivated, too, and knowing what motivates you, coupling intention and motivation together, I think, can be really powerful to help you. Like, because you're making that decision every time somebody walks into the kitchen and says, I'm hungry, they're making a decision. Every time somebody wakes up in the morning. It's like, okay, well, what's going to be the first few things that you do for the day? Like, what's going to be your routine? Like, if you're going to make a momentous decision to take better care of yourself. [00:21:36] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:21:37] Speaker B: I think having that motivation, understanding your motivation, and having the intention together can be really powerful. I'm just now coming up with this. [00:21:47] Speaker A: I love it. [00:21:48] Speaker B: I might need to find a blog post about. [00:21:50] Speaker A: I'll read it. I read almost all of your blog posts. If I see them, I read them. I don't always see them. That's the only reason I don't always read them. But I'm constantly reminded. I used to work at a massage school, and every trite saying that you could possibly think of about self care was said at a massage school. Right? It's. It's. [00:22:09] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:22:09] Speaker A: And not everybody who goes there is granola. But there are so many granola people that come through there. It's all about feelings and all of that kind of stuff. I mean, and so great assault some of it, right? But one of the phrases that kept coming up over and over and over again, because we really did try to teach self care to massage therapists because it is a very physical job, was that you can't pour from an empty vessel. And it feels like just such a trite thing to say until you really start to internalize that you really can't. There's nothing in you to give. If you are not taking care of yourself, how could you take care of other people? But I could take it one step further. Like, not only has my vessel been empty a lot, but my vessel has been cracked and broken into a million pieces so that you couldn't possibly even feed yourself or care for yourself. And so in my head over the last few years, the art of. I'm gonna probably say it wrong. Kintsugi and the idea of not pouring from an empty vessel have kind of come together. And that Kintsugi or Kintsugi. I really don't know how to say it, I'm sorry. But is where you take gold and you repair those vessels with gold to show not only are they fixed, but they're so important that you fix them with the most expensive thing and the most dear thing that you could possibly have, which is that gold. If you can fix your vessel so that it's really means something and is meaningful and you value it, which is being. Valuing yourself, then you can see why it needs to be filled and why you have to complete yourself or at least take care of yourself in order to take care of others. I think those things can go together so well. [00:23:48] Speaker B: Yeah, I agree. Eventually, I think spirit or the serendipity of the universe wants you to take care of yourself. Because here's the thing. I have not always been. I've been the caretaker. I've been the. This is just a pattern of my life. It's not just because of the stuff I deal with Mark, but I think with Mark, I've really seen no matter what I do, I can't fix it. It is a black hole of pouring myself into it. Because if he doesn't want to and he doesn't want to, I can't make him. I could drop everything. I could quit my job and spend all day long getting him better, and he's going to fight me every step of the way, and I'm just like, finally surrendered to it of just like, nope. [00:24:39] Speaker A: Yeah. Otherwise you're just going to be a husk of yourself. You're not going to have anything left. And that's not fair to you. It's not fair to your kids, it's not fair to your job, it's not fair to any your dogs, like any of any of the people and situations that rely on you. It's like, I often think about. Do you ever notice that lived in houses don't tend to look run down? Even, like, when my ex husband and I had a house, like, it never looked run down, but we weren't doing a lot of upkeep on it. But just the fact that people lived in there kind of breathed some life into it. You drive down a road and you see an empty, dilapidated house, and it's like, is it just because it didn't have any spirit left in it? Like that kind of thing? Right? Yeah. [00:25:27] Speaker B: Or maybe another spirit moved in. [00:25:28] Speaker A: Do. Do they all look poltergeist? It's true. That is true. And I watch enough. I got stuck on Appalachian TikTok the other day. [00:25:41] Speaker B: Oh, really? [00:25:41] Speaker A: Where? It's like, there's so many superstitions and, like, hear your name shouted in the woods and don't answer and, like, everything gets locked and all of the curtains get closed at night because the skid walkers and, like, I know I've taken this down a really strange path, but, like, there's so many things, like, I think about when you talk about, like, things moving in spirits, good spirits and bad spirits. Like, I make sure that you close your blinds of your heart or your psyche or whatever it is to protect yourself, too. Yeah, just all of it. Just all of it. Lock the doors, keep. Keep out the bad stuff. Yeah. Craziness. But, yeah. So you've inspired me. Whether you realize it or not, seeing your wherewithal and everything to continue your hat, your positive habits, has got me thinking about it, too. So hopefully other people are seeing it and. But pick it up on that. And hopefully today, our talk today might inspire somebody to think about keeping up with something that they know they should do at the very least, like, get a manicure or something to make yourself feel a little bit better and drink your water. [00:26:47] Speaker B: The habit of self care, I think that would be. [00:26:51] Speaker A: What is our title? [00:26:52] Speaker B: Maybe our title. [00:26:54] Speaker A: I love it. I love it. At one point in time, I think I read the seven habits of. Was that the seven habits, highly effective people. I wasn't healthy people. I knew that was wrong way back, way back in the day. There's some truth to some of those things. [00:27:10] Speaker B: Stephen Covey my family was like, the, like, the bathroom was like Wayne Dyer, the seven hat. Like, the motivation of the bathroom, like, there's a bookshelf of, like, anything. So that was like, you know. [00:27:28] Speaker A: Mm hmm. [00:27:29] Speaker B: My house is full. Like Tony Robbins all, like, in the early days, Tony Robbins, like, he was part of our house and everything. And so it's. [00:27:38] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:38] Speaker B: Kind of grew up with all of that stuff. But it's good, you know, I mean, I think it's important to constantly be evaluating where are you in your life, where do you want to be in your life? And also celebrating how far you've come, because no matter where you are right now, you've come from somewhere. I mean, yeah, it's. It's a habit for me to walk every single morning, but for 14 years, 14 years of walking at least a mile and a half every single day, I think I should celebrate that. [00:28:13] Speaker A: That's absolutely. [00:28:15] Speaker B: That's a long time. [00:28:17] Speaker A: Buy yourself some new sneakers or something. [00:28:19] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. Oh, man. I go through them, so I believe it. Yeah, the dogs kind of help, but. [00:28:26] Speaker A: Anyway, yeah, so that's all I got. But thank you for your messaging, of keeping on and developing those habits, and hopefully other people will, too. So thank you, Kathy. [00:28:39] Speaker B: Yeah, thank you. I'm so glad something I wrote resonated. [00:28:43] Speaker A: Always does. This is one that I really wanted everybody else to hear, too, though, so that's why. Anyway, we'll see everybody else next week on our wonderful little podcast where I just. It's really more for us than for them, I think. But hopefully other people get something out of it, too. [00:28:58] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:28:59] Speaker A: You're my therapy Cathy. Anyway, we'll see everybody next week. Bye bye. This has been WP. Motivate with Kathy Zant and Michelle freshet. To learn more or to sponsor us, go to wpmotivate.com.